"Dear Swaha
I sit here, alone in a cabin, looking at the mountain - the fog is rising from the forest and playing with the trees. The silence is falling over me like a warm blanket. I like the silence - and to be alone with myself.
The last year this desire to be alone has become stronger and stronger.
Many days I go crazy with all the noise from the outside world - people, cars, media, traffic, music... it pulls me out of my centre and makes me sick. I don't know how to stay in the centre in my daily life. It is a challenge for me.
Maybe you have some advice on how to be in silence."
This desire to be alone, in silence, which is becoming stronger and stronger, just means that consciousness is knocking on the door - that something else is waking up.
You no longer fit in so easily, like a machine. Every society wants you to be a machine, a name, a number - so you won't think, so you are easier to handle. When people start waking up, they have a hard time to fit in, especially when they live in places which are not nurturing for silence. Sheep go together, lions go alone. Something is starting to wake up, you want more space, and you want to leave the sheep.
Remember, the truth is that it doesn't matter where you live, or how you live, what you do, or what you work with. But don't fool yourself - this might not be the truth for you, since these things still affect you.
Look at yourself, how you live, how you behave. Look at what you are doing. Ask yourself whether it is good for you or not. Most people live unconsciously and never ask themselves these questions. Maybe they have been living happily and stupidly, going to the sardine factory every morning, looking into a wall from their backyard.very nice.
Suddenly you wake up one day and wonder: what the fuck am I doing! These questions are uncomfortable - because they mean change, and sleepy human beings don't want change.
You can dream about freedom, about enlightenment, about love - you can dream about meditation and silence. But remember, you have to pay for it - and the price is to be true to yourself. And there is no way that you can sneak around it.
I'm not saying that you need to go to the mountains or to the Himalayas. I know that you can find silence anywhere. But from my own experience, even when you know this, you tend to choose the more tranquil places - and you enjoy the silence even more.
When you are seeking silence - when this desire starts knocking on the door, it is definitely helpful to find places with more silence. To be with silent people will help you more than just having silence around - because you are not so silent yet that you can just be silent in nature.
People always have to talk - they have forgotten the beauty of being in silence with others. This is a very unique place, and we have long retreats in silence, just so you can have a balance to your never-ending blabbering.
When you have come to the point you are describing, it is time to experiment more with silence. Which is very difficult in the city - with the traffic, the noise, the air pollution - and as you get more sensitive, the mental pollution.
There is mental pollution because of all the mental vibes of people, lost in their minds, in their thinking. When you become more quiet, you start feeling all the madness that is around, especially in the cities.
For thousands of years, yogis, meditators and sannyasins have moved into the forests, into the mountains - to get away from this mental pollution. That is becoming harder and harder in this world, and more needed than ever.
Many people are starting to realize that silence has become a luxury, and that one should nurture it. And that's why you are here.
I can only tell you one thing: Be true to yourself - go to places where you feel at home, where you feel silence, peace and no pollution - or just be more here.